Wow it is February! My how time has flown by! Since I received a comment, I felt inclined to create an updated post.

As of December 31st, I am a college graduate with a B.A. in Political Science. It was a hell of a ride, but totally worth it, I am so proud of myself. Also on December 31st, I applied to the Harvard Graduate School of Education, and I am awaiting their decision. I have wanted to attend the school for over 16 years, so it would be an honor to be accepted.

I work two part time jobs now. I actually have a second interview on Tuesday that would hopefully eliminate the other two and I will just have one full time job. I have been at the local bagel shop for almost 5 years! My second job is with a school corporation. I tutor for a program called AVID, which focuses on preparing students for college. If I were to receive the job that I have the second interview for, it would be with the same school corporation as a full time special education assistant. This experience would truly help in preparation for attending Harvard. I have wanted to become a teacher for 18 years, so my dream is finally within reach. I want to change the world, one life at a time.

Now the horrible part of the past few months. While I was tutoring at one of the middle schools, I had a seizure and collapsed, I was unconscious for at least 3 minutes or so. When I came to, I was vomiting, which is common after a seizure since my brain was being scrambled around. I hit my head on the table I was sitting at, so I literally had a huge goose egg on my forehead, it was quite creepy. I barely remember the ambulance ride, but it just so happened that my supervisor with the AVID program was there to observe. She came with me to the hospital and stayed until my mother got there. She was telling me how the first thing I asked was if the students were ok, and I kept asking about them, disregarding the fact that I just had a traumatic experience. She was highly amazed at that fact. I stayed in the hospital for 4 long days under observation. Tests were run to determine if there was permanent brain damage. The test showed that there was no permanent brain damage but there were spikes that confirmed that I did in fact, have a seizure. The seizure was caused by extreme stress, and the fact that I was not on the correct medication for my condition. Being bipolar and on an anti-depressant is not a good combination and can do more harm than good, which is what obviously happened to me. I was stressed about school, senior comprehensive exams, having two jobs, amongst other things.

My hospital bill ended up being over $17,000, not including doctors and specialists. That is more than my brand new car cost in 2010 when I leased it. I'm going to be in debt for the rest of my life because of medical bills from previous surgeries and stays, and yes I do have insurance, they only covered about $1,000, but that is a whole different story.

Anyway, I had a seizure about a year before that, but that was explained away by dehydration and experiencing extreme heat by being under a hair dryer. I had a psychiatrist come visit me in the hospital. I had been diagnosed with major depression disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and post traumatic stress disorder and was taking the appropriate medications for over 2 years. She did an analysis and re diagnosed me with bipolar disorder. It is still hard to come to terms with that diagnosis. Even though my brother and father have it and it runs in my extended family, it is still hard. Probably because of the stigma of mental illness anyway. Most people won't bat an eye if I tell them I have clinical depression, but the new diagnosis of bipolar disorder is more intense and misunderstood. I thought that I had some elements of bipolar disorder anyway. I have bipolar II which does not include full blown mania but more depression and anxiety which can easily be misdiagnosed as something else. Because of my seizure I was put on an anti-convulsant, because of bipolar disorder I was put on an anti-psychotic as well as a mood stabilizer. Unfortunately the anti-psychotic caused me to gain over 20 pounds in less than a month. Over the past 2 years with my anti-depressant, I had lost around 25 pounds, so of course that in turn made me more depressed. When I finally saw my regular psychiatrist, he created a plan to get me off of the fat pill. lol He upped the dosage on the mood stabilizer which worked, so I stopped taking the other one, which he approved. I only take it if I need to sleep, but with 2 jobs, I'm so tired all the time anyway.

So for the past few months I have been adjusting to my new medication and diagnosis, I feel much better now that I have the correct medication. My mood is stabilized and it does feel weird not to have extreme changes from hypomania to depression. lol They still occur of course, but they are less intense because the medication makes it manageable.

That is what has been going on in my life since September, the last time I posted. I remember when I kept this up consistently. No one was reading it and I barely received any comments so my motivation lacked. Even though that's not why I created this. Being online is an outlet from everyday life. I can be truly be myself without fear of judgement since this is anonymous. lol I did get lazy in posting as well. I have so much to say all the time that it is tiring typing it all out. I will at least post again by the end of next month informing of my ACCEPTANCE to Harvard. :)

Wow the last time I posted was in July?! Ironically this next post will mirror the last in regards to my internship. lol I have been ok. School started back up so I'm schooling and working part time. This is my last semester so I will finally have a college degree! I am working on my Graduate School application as well. I have yet to take the GRE, maybe because I'm having flashbacks of my disaster with the Praxis I. So I need to force myself to study. I miss you guys! <3

This is a review about Dr. Stephen G. Post enjoy!

Approaches to Happiness

Dr. Stephen G. Post proposes the idea that compassion and altruism is necessary to increase happiness and health. The concept of moral obligation and the desire to help others is prominent throughout his studies. He feels people are searching for a presence higher than their own and it is natural. He believes that freedom of expression and religion are essential human goods.

I would have to disagree; I believe that religion is not necessary to be happy. Some people need or want something greater than themselves to have motivation, purpose or meaning in life, and rewards to strive for. Some do not seek this and are just as passionate. Some believe in themselves and do not need something higher for motivation, purpose or meaning.

I can relate to this personally. As an Agnostic Atheist, I do not search for something to justify my existence and give me a purpose in life. My motivation has always helping others, I've wanted to become a teacher since I was 6. I did not need a deity to realize that. I was 'born and raised' in a Christian household, as a teenager I started to question these beliefs that were instilled in me. I discovered that I could help others and be a good person without believing in a deity. I discovered that rejecting religion did not make me a horrible person. In fact, I felt that I had more freedom and more expression. I was able to be myself and live my life by my own standards and not constantly worrying about religion. I have also been published on an Ex-Christian website that further explains my story.

Dr. Post also recommends that physicians encourage patients to use these different approaches to happiness and health for treatments of severe medical conditions.

• Giving and even just thinking about giving in a spirit of generosity are linked to health and well-being.
• People who think too much about themselves and their own desires – or their own troubles – are not very happy.
• Helping is also a form of self-help when the giver has experienced the same problems as those receiving.
• Volunteerism has positive impacts on happiness, mood, self-esteem, physical and mental health.
• Giving can be a lifelong benefit for those who start young.
• Altruism is associated with a substantial reduction in mortality rates and is linked to longevity.

The previous bullet points reminded me of the Cancer Center Treatments of America and their commercials that advertise focusing on holistic health.

Dr. Post also offers ways to improve the benefits of helping others. He mentions that according to science, there appears to be a fundamental drive toward helping others. My desire in life is to help others succeed. When I see others benefiting from my dedication towards them, it makes me happy. Meditation is also important in preparation of the mind for volunteering.
Being less self-centered can promote happiness. Helping others can be rewarding and especially improve mental health. Thinking about people I know, the ones that are happier are involved in their communities and in the lives of others. As someone diagnosed with mood and anxiety disorders, applying Gestalt therapy along with Dr. Post's techniques have the potential to greatly improve my mental health.

Bibliography

Dailygood.org (2011). Six Ways to Boost Your Helping Habits, by Stephen G. Post. [online] Available at: http://www.dailygood.org/view.php?sid=26 [Accessed: 9 Sep 2012].
Newswise.com (2011). It's Good to be Good: Dr. Stephen Post on the Scientific Evidence. [online] Available at: http://www.newswise.com/articles/it-s-good-to-be-good-dr-stephen-post-on-the-scientific-evidence [Accessed: 9 Sep 2012].
Stephengpost.com (2012). HUMAN NATURE « Stephen G. Post. [online] Available at: http://stephengpost.com/human-nature-and-the-freedom-of-public-religious-expression [Accessed: 9 Sep 2012].

I am an intern for the Human Development Company. The main focus is on Gestalt psychology. I created a script that illustrates how to successfully communicate in relationships. The topic I chose was self-talk. I must say that doing this activity really helped me.

So I chose the self-talk option; I talk to myself a lot and these are actual things I have discussed. My subconscious is the bold, and my conscious is in italics. The proper way to respond is in blue. Let me know if I'm completely off base with this.

You are a failure, and haven't accomplished anything.

-Maybe I should just give up and quit trying.

I am finally coming into my own and getting to know myself. This process has been going on for 6 years. I am not a failure, these things take time. I need encouragement; I want to feel like I have your support.

You are ugly and no one will ever want you.

-Why do I even bother, if no one will ever want me?

I am not ugly. True beauty is relative and does not come from societal standards, but from within. Just because I am alone right now does not mean that no one wants me. The time to find a companion has not come yet. I need to continue to focus on my goals, and wait patiently.

Nobody really cares what you have to say and you know it!

-You're right, I should just sit down and shut up.

I don't think this is true, I hope not especially with my future career in education! This negativity from you is affecting me in a way that is not pleasant. I will not sit down and shut up.

You are extremely socially awkward, don't have any friends, and people just don't like you!

-I know I am. This is your fault, I never wanted to be that way! Just leave me alone and let me be.

I am working through my issues, and could use your help to continue to combat this awkwardness and acquire friendships. Maybe you think people do not like me, because you do not like me, let's work together to change that.

There is too much stress and I know you can't take it anymore, maybe you should just end it.

-End my life? Well I'm not too sure about that one, but I do understand where you're coming from.

You know that I have come too far for you to say things like that to me. It is disappointing because it shows your lack of support.

Why are you talking to yourself in the mirror anyway? That's crazy!

-Yes, I'm quite aware of my craziness, thank you for noticing.

I have been trying to strengthen our relationship. Calling me names will only separate us further. I can not do this alone, we have to work together.

You're so screwed up in the head, that there is no way to help you!

-I know, maybe I'll just stop trying and cancel my appointment with my psychiatrist.

You've been telling me this for years, but I decided to try to get help and it is working. You know about my struggles with self-mutilation, and my diagnosis of MDD, GAD, and PTSD. Taking the medications, as well as using EMDR helps a lot. Even my psychiatrist was proud of my progress and said I would be the perfect example of a StigmaBuster. I want you to be proud of me as well.

You also have a serious mindset problem. I'm getting sick if it, how about you stop with the whole defense mechanism bs?!

-I can't even take you seriously. You just told me that I was so screwed up and there was no help for me. Which one is it?

I'm trying to change that, but do not have your support. The defense mechanisms continue even though we are attempting to get rid of them. That is alright, and we both know it will take some time.

You need to go do something productive instead of talking to me about your issues.

- You told me before that you were the one person who would always would be there for me. But I guess you're right even you need to take a break from me sometimes.

Talking to you about my issues is productive. The only way to rebuild our relationship is to talk about our problems with each other. I know you need breaks and that sometimes, I ignore anything you have to say and for that I apologize.

I can't believe it's been over a month since I last updated! Hmm, I blame the heat, my laziness, and lack of inspiration. lol As you already know, I can't force myself to write. Maybe if I had more readers/commenters I would be motivated to write? Who knows? I am focusing on applying to Graduate School. I have to take the GRE and my mother got a huge book to help prepare me for the test. I'm also looking for a new job. So maybe I'm just overwhelmed with life? Not really sure.

On a different note, I recently had a follow up with my psychiatrist. He is extremely proud of my progress! He said that I would be a perfect example of an anti-StigmaBuster. Which in the NAMI is breaking the stereotype of those with mental illness. I have come a long way over the past year or so. Of course everyday is a constant struggle, but overall I'm doing much better. So this boost of confidence will hopefully last a decent amount of time.

I haven't completely disappeared, just checking in for those who actually read my blog. No worries though, E.J. Goldharte will be around!

So I’m spoiling you guys with a treat of another post. As you know by now, I’m an Agnostic Atheist. (Agnostic Atheist commandments)

So I still attend church because I live at home and have rules to follow and attending church is one of them. I’m not intolerant or anything, well until it comes to stupidity. I couldn’t believe the dialog that was going on in the Sunday School class.  The topic was something about God’s design for the community and social justice. Alright no biggie. Then a woman opened her mouth and spewed out even more nonsense. I was so offended and appalled but me being me, I wrote it down and waited to tell it to you guys. Lol

Racism in the black church. I know blacks are racist, anyone can be racist. A woman was bitching about Hispanics or Mexicans; I don’t remember what she called them. She was upset because ‘they’ receive aid, welfare, food stamps, and don’t pay taxes. Let me rip apart that statement. First off, referring to them as ‘they’ means you consider yourself superior. Second, so are you jealous that it’s no longer just blacks receiving government assistance? Third, you can’t get shit unless you are a legal resident, and even that has its limits. Government assistance is hard to get anyway, so how do you think ‘they’ can get it? Fourth, if ‘they’ buy anything, anything at all, guess what boo? They’re paying taxes! Why are you bitching about poor people paying taxes when our own Secretary of the Treasury couldn’t pay his own fucking taxes and he’s in charge of money? The disgust in her voice was ironic. Never mind the fact that ‘they’ are another group of oppressed people. As well as those of Arab descent or who ‘look Muslim’ (didn’t know you could look a religion), who get hassled wherever they go, especially by TSA. The focus is no longer on blacks. If anything, whites probably prefer us over other groups because they ‘know about us’ and we have history.

She seemed like she was just as angry as white people are about immigration and government assistance. She needs to quit watching Faux News, and stop listening to idiots such as Rev. Jesse Peterson. I was just appalled at this fact, I mean I know black racism exists, but I guess this woman forgot how we were treated and where we came from and how we are still struggling. It isn’t been blacks against whites. It’s whites against non-whites. So because you’re a legal black citizen still doesn’t put you on higher level. 

Religion destroys and divides people even more. Christianity is the ‘right religion’ and everyone else’s is bullshit. Every religion claims the same thing. Unless it is a philosophy such as Buddhism and Taoism who don’t claim shit. You say the Bible commands us to love and respect others. So how is shoving your religion down their throats and talking shit about them showing that? Another thing made me laugh. The Pastor talked about Muslim extremists and how they strap on a vest and blow themselves and others up for their ‘false god’. All because they were told, they will have 1,000 virgins in Heaven. It took everything not to literally lol. Why not talk about Christian extremists, who decided to convert or kill others for their ‘false god’? You wanna talk numbers; Christians have killed more people than any other religion combined. (Yes, Catholics are Christians too.) Not only is that suicide rewarded with virgin concept true; suicide goes against the Quran. So you are not doing Allah’s will by blowing yourself up.

“Bukhari Volume 2, Book 23, Number 445: Narrated Jundab the Prophet said, “A man was inflicted with wounds and he committed suicide, and so Allah said: My slave has caused death on himself hurriedly, so I forbid Paradise for him.”

Bukhari Volume 8, Book 73, Number 73: Narrated Thabit bin Ad-Dahhak: ”And if somebody commits suicide with anything in this world, he will be tortured with that very thing on the Day of Resurrection.”

The virgin thing is misinterpreted by the West and we just roll with it. It doesn’t talk about virgins, just companions (for men and women) and Muslims say that it is an allegory, simply saying you will enjoy all pleasures while being in Heaven. So it’s comparable to the Christian belief that after death you’ll be next to Jesus with angel wings on a gold paved road with diamonds, jewels and a huge house. Both religions spew the same type of bullshit, but Islam is wrong? However, I do understand the point that was trying to be made by the Pastor. He was saying how Muslims are willing to die for their ‘false religion’ while Christians can’t even get to church on time. He also mentioned Jihad, of course with the assumption that it means Holy War, and kill the infidels bullshit. Jihad literally means struggle. Martyrs of Islam. Don’t Christians have martyrs? And haven’t plenty of Christians slain ‘infidels’? Seriously, if you put the Bible and the Quran side by side, you’ll see the same bullshit, parables, commandments and what not. Just worded differently in different languages. I have read most of the Bible but I have not read too much of the Quran. Everyone is so blinded by their own faith that they can’t notice those that follow ‘false religions’ have the same commandment. Live a good life according to God. So you’d think that people who be happy that at least they have some sort of moral playbook to follow unlike those damn Atheists! It’s all a bunch of bullshit, but to each his own. If you need to follow or believe a fairy tale to motivate yourself, blame when something bad happens, praise when something good happens, pray to ask for shit, or to live a good life because you want to be rewarded with ‘angel wings’ or ‘virgins’, so be it. Some of us don’t need fairy tales to live out successful and fulfilling lives.

Ya know I always wonder if I hadn’t been raise in church my entire life and attend Christian schools, if I would have the same issues with myself. I was following God’s ‘commandments’ so things that went against the Bible were wrong and I couldn’t do it. At one point, I tried to ‘pray away’ my attraction to women. Sex before marriage was wrong, so I hid it. I felt ashamed and depressed believing I had let God and my family down. And for what? If I had been living my life without ties to a book of bullshit, I wouldn’t have felt shameful for shit. Non white people were the ‘cursed by the Devil’ so whites were superior. I tried to ‘pray away’ my appearance and wake up one morning with blonde hair and blue eyes. This shit and the psychological abuse I went through totally fucked up my self-perception. I feel like I’ve been robbed of loving myself and appreciating my appearance as a kid because I had that bullshit shoved down my throat. It’s depressing to think about it. But as an adult I am still coming into my own, every day. It’s exciting to be myself and not follow the ‘laws’ of a book. It’s kinda funny, every time we go to church my mother is convinced or ‘prays for me to come back to God’. Little does she know, every time I go to church; it just reinforces my beliefs. Lol

This did end up being longer than I intended. But who’s complaining? I haven’t had inspiration to write in a while.

Bottom line: There really isn’t one. This was me simply expressing my disbelief at the things I heard at church today. But really, why would I expect much from a group of people who voted for Obama because he was black?

Oh something I had to say. I didn’t want to turn it into a story. Jenny McCarthy, Jim Carrey is NOT your baby daddy. Stop whining about him ‘abandoning’ your son. He’s just that, YOUR son. I don’t give a shit if he’s autistic; he is not Jim’s responsibility. Plus he put up with your ass for a long time. What about your real baby daddy? Shouldn’t you be whining to him? Oh no because you tried to replace him with someone who had no biological ties to your kid. This is why a lot of single mother’s need to make sure that they don’t try to replace dad if he is still around. Men come and go, but kids will always be yours AND baby daddy’s. If anything you should be thanking Jim for staying around so long. Your kid shouldn’t have separation anxiety issues, if his real dad was dad and not Jim. I honestly can’t believe people listen to you and take the shit you have to say seriously. Oh wait, you’re rich, blonde, and pretty. So why are you complaining? What about the rest of ‘us’ the 99%. You wanna complain, come live a life as an average struggling American and then talk shit. So how about you just shut the fuck up? Please and thank you.

I'm baaaaaaack! (I figured that it's pointless to continue to include disclaimer warnings. If you've read even one post, you already know.)

This has been circulating around for years. Time I finally make a statement from the 'other' side. How many are actually paying attention to this? There are African Americans, Mexican Americans, Asian Americans, Arab Americans, Native Americans, etc. And then there are just Americans.

I'm sorry, I thought we were all Americans? Hmm, guess I was mistaken.

You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction. You Call me "White boy," "Cracker," "Honkey," "Whitey," Caveman" ..And that's OK.

First off, racially offensive language is never ok in any context. Don't be a dumbass and fire off racist comments because you hate the person simply because the color of their skin. Not something they can actually control. Calling someone a cracker, or honkey or whatever is not comparable to calling someone a nigger. Those terms don't focus on the individual group.

But when I call you, Nig..., Kike, Towel head, Sand-nig..., Camel Jockey, Beaner, Gook, or Chink...

All whites, which I'm guessing in this sense is Western European, (since Arabs and Hispanics are considered white for the US census, ironic that a black Hispanic is considered white) are collectively called racist terms. Nigger-blacks, Kike-Jews, Towel head-Arabs, Sand nigger- Arabs, Camel jockey-Arabs, Beaner- Mexicans (or anyone who 'looks' Mexican), Gook-East Asians, Chink-Chinese. These terms were created by the Western Europeans. Being called this shit doesn't allow the formation of a decent self-esteem, especially as a child.

You call me a racist.
Well of course I would.

You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?

If whites have never lived in the ghetto or experienced the everyday lifestyle of a black person, how do they know it is the most dangerous place to live? Do they know why the residents are disproportionately unequal? Would they welcome blacks to their neighborhoods with open arms so they can escape the 'dangerous ghetto'?

This next section always cracks me up.
You have the United Negro College Fund.

Well yes we do, to assist our kids in going to college. You complain about blacks being ignorant and uneducated. Well do you want to pay for every black kid in America to go to college so they can become educated? Didn't think so, can't have it both ways, so shut the fuck up.

You have Martin Luther King Day.

Well I guess you could say so.

But you have New Year's Day
Martin Luther King Day
President's Day
Memorial Day
Independence Day
Labor Day
Columbus Day
Veterans Day
Thanksgiving Day
Christmas Day

amongst others which brings me to my next point.

You have Black History Month.

Black history month is the shortest month of the year. For the past few years, I haven't heard anything about black history, but it is characterized 'multi-cultural month'. So we don't even really have that. We should be teaching about the successful historical African Kingdoms and Empires. When I finally become a teacher, I plan to do just that. But I will have to come up with my own material. Since there is no book in the Western (American) school system that would offer a positive alternative history for all the non-whites. But guess what, you have: January, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, and December. Typing that list also reminded me that the calendar/months we use are European. So you have the whole fucking calendar.

You have Cesar Chavez Day.

I have never heard of anyone celebrating this day, so I can't comment.

You Have Yom Hashoah

I'm sorry, I didn't think it was a problem to remember Holocaust victims who died at YOUR hand.

You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi

Ok, you have Christmas, but I have also not heard this being celebrated.

You have the NAACP.

National Association for the Advancement of Colored People: “The NAACP was formed partly in response to the continuing horrific practice of lynching and the 1908 race riot in Springfield, the capital of Illinois and resting place of President Abraham Lincoln. Appalled at the violence that was committed against blacks.” This organization is 'racist' but what about all the organizations that focus on the advancement of white people?

You have BET.

This is one of my favorites. Black Entertainment Television originated since blacks were not represented positively or at all in tv shows, media, and entertainment. However, BET was sold to Viacom in 2003. It has been controlled by the white owned company ever since. Guess money became more important that the original mission.

If we had WET (White Entertainment Television). We'd be racists.

You're kidding right? Have you turned on a television? Most shows have an all white cast, and the 'token' black or non-white person.

If we had a White Pride Day ..You would call us racists. If we had White History Month

Already mentioned my opinion on this bullshit.

We'd be racists. If we had any organization for only whites to "advance" OUR lives

Sweetie, every single organization other than the select few dedicated to non-whites, are to advance your lives.

We'd be racists.
And yes, it is racist, which is why it exists.

We have a Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, a Black Chamber of Commerce, And then we just have the plain Chamber of Commerce. Wonder who pays for that?

Well yes because the 'plain' Chamber of Commerce was not focusing on the business interests of non-whites.

If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships ... You know we'd be racists.

Getting into college is a white student scholarship, your application isn't scrutinized to the extent of non-whites.

There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US. Yet if there were "White colleges" ..
THAT would be a racist college.

First off, you have to be a fucking idiot if you don't think there are white colleges. Why do you think the black ones were created? Because we weren't even allowed to be educated and what white college would accept the 'niggers'? None, which is why we have a mere 60 HBC/U's compared to the thousands of white colleges. Blacks who get into schools, like Harvard and Yale are criticized saying it was a result of affirmative action. Nevermind the fact that they worked their asses off to get there. It's offensive to discredit their hard work and boil it down to race. When whites get into those schools, it's never questioned, it's expected, and when they don't get in, a story of 'reverse racism' (which I already discussed previously in my blog is one of the most ignorant and redundant terms in the English language) surfaces. The white kid didn't have the grades, parents didn't have the money. So it's automatically the black kids fault. When George W. Bush got into Yale because of nepotism, no one questioned it, but he's still an idiot. When Barack H. Obama got into Harvard and graduated with fucking honors from Law school, it was because he was black. Riiight, because that logic makes perfect sense. So a dumb white guy can get in no question, but an intelligent black guy gets in, racism remarks surface.

In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights.
If we marched for our race and rights. You would call us racists.

Exactly, 'believed', we knew damn well that if we tried to make a simple political statement no one would take it seriously, so it was taken to D.C., and still not taken seriously. In essence, we were marching for you to continue to have your rights, by demonizing the cause and advocates in the media, furthering racism.

You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're Not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride .
You call us racists.

You don't need to have white pride, it's already there, naturally. You don't have to go in a store and worry about being followed, you don't have to go to a restaurant and worry about being ignored, or receiving your food after every one else who came after you does. You don't have to think about buying band-aids when you injure yourself. You go to the store and buy band-aids which more or less match your skin. So we are annoyed that you feel the need to verbally express your white pride, when it is all around us. The media, celebrities, role models, beauty standards, etc. We're proud to be non-whites and call ourselves accordingly because it's much better than the term 'nigger' that you created for us.

You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society.
You call him a racist.

Yes because every single black person is a criminal. So white people don't carjack and shoot each other? When a white police officer shoots a 'drug-dealing gang member' it's usually due to instinct. Black men pose a threat to the white society. Most non-whites don't feel unsafe around other non-whites. But whites around non-whites, there is always a change in behavior. I have seen it first hand by people who say they aren't racist, but it's instinctive and cultural. It's engrained from childhood, and passed down to generations. They think every non-white person is out to get them, when the non-white person is worrying about getting shot by the white person as they're walking down the street. There are plenty of stories about innocent black men gunned down for no apparent reason. One story that really breaks my heart is about Sean Bell who was gunned down and killed. Over 50 bullets. Why the fuck do you need to have a team of officers shoot at a person and use 50 bullets? The worst part is that this man was unarmed and preparing to leave for his wedding that was in the next few hours. Of course, the culprits were found not guilty. If the situation had been reversed, those black officers would have gotten the death penalty. So if he kills an unarmed black guy, who had nothing to do with the situation, yes I would call him a racist.

I am proud. But, you call me a racist. Why is it that only whites can be racists?

There are plenty of non-whites who are racist. Can you blame them? Most whites are racist based on fear and ignorance. Most non-whites are racist based on experience. Ask a racist white person what non-whites have ever done to them personally? Ask a non-white racist person the same question and I assure you, you will hear plenty of stories. All the non-whites want, is to be assimilated into the American culture and society which happens to be white. We want to feel like we matter and are considered viable to the society. But instead, we are at home, straightening our hair, bleaching our skin, and practicing our 'white voices and vocabulary'. It's a damn shame.

There is nothing improper about this subject.

No there is nothing improper about this subject. Don't dish out more than you can take. White people talking about race with non-whites rarely ends with both parties believing they are equal parts to society. The whites feel more white pride, while the non-whites realize how ass-backwards our society is continually becoming, and how it will never go away.

The above passage that I completely destroyed the bullshit logic of, was probably written by an old white man, maybe a young one. I don't think it was a white woman, because even as a white woman, they experience discrimination as well, so why the fuck would they come up with this? However, the person that created it, is obviously ignorant and oblivious to the fact that non-whites struggle with racism every single day. It was a waste of time to write it, because non-whites already knew the 'other side' and whites don't really need a boost of confidence. Until you live your life as a non-white person in America, and experience the day to day shit that we do, please do not comment on our lifestyles and behaviors. You don't know what it's like, and luckily for you, you never will.

Wow that was quite emotionally charged, maybe that's why it took me so long to discuss it. Many things I mentioned are from self-experience. The field that I want to go into, and the dream job I want to have, is dominated by whites, and I am working my ass off 10 times harder than they ever will, to make sure that I at least get a shot at accomplishing my goal.

Continuing on the subject of race relations. I came across Rev. Jesse Peterson, I honestly hoped this man was joking, but is seriously delusional. I decided to discuss this article. (If you thought Herman Cain was bad, brace yourselves) I chose to use the same format as above.

“Rev. Jesse Lee Peterson Agrees With Newt Gingrich, Says He Would Send Blacks Back 'To The Plantation' “

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/17/rev-jesse-lee-peterson-agrees-with-gingrich_n_1211651.html

The Rev. Jesse Lee Peterson, the super-conservative African American Republican who has campaigned vigorously against Kwanzaa ("The Racist Holiday From Hell" he has called it), the Rev. Jesse Jackson Jr. and President Barack Obama, said he has a simple solution to black America's employment woes: hard labor.

Excuse me, the racist holiday from Hell? Seriously? Most people in general have no idea how to spell Kwanzaa let alone know what the fuck it is.

"One of the things that I would do is take all black people back to the South and put them on the plantation so they would understand the ethic of working," Peterson told The Huffington Post's Black Voices on Tuesday afternoon. "I'm going to put them all on the plantation. They need a good hard education on what it is to work."

Yes because being forced to work or risk being killed or being killed anyway, being beaten, raped, sold, and separated from our families helps us understand work ethnic. I love how he refers to blacks as 'they' and not 'we'. He disassociated himself with blacks. He considers himself a white man with dark skin. I know people have self-hatred issues. But God, this takes self-hate to the max. I've never come across anything as fucked up as this. So apparently, he forgot that his own ancestors were slaves working on the plantation and didn't enjoy it. It wasn't work ethnic they had, it was survival ethic. This is a slap in the face to all of his ancestors who endured slavery. Seriously, send blacks back to the plantation? They are turning over in their graves right now.
  
Peterson made the remarks after he was asked to comment on Monday night's sparring between moderator Juan Williams and Newt Gingrich, during the Republican presidential debate after Williams asked Gingrich whether he thought his recent statements suggesting a lack of work ethic among poor black kids could be viewed as insulting.

Well of course they are insulting, especially coming from a person who endured the same shit we did, but got in with 'the man' and is now 'above' us. 
 
"People don't want to hear the truth," said Peterson, the founder of the Brotherhood Organization of a New Destiny, or BOND. "Newt was 100 percent correct," Peterson said. "Newt said that he would have black children, minority children work as janitors at school. Working as a janitor would build character, more so than the handouts so many of them like."

What the fuck? Are you kidding me? Have minority children work as janitors? So that is reinforcing the stereotype that they won't end up becoming shit anyway. Did he forget that he was once a minority child? Did he think he should have worked as a janitor? Someone should have asked that question. What about helping minority kids getting an education so they don't end up being fucking janitors and can at least have a shot in 'Corporate America'. The part that kills me, is that he agrees with Gingrich that this would build character to replace the handouts that so many of them like. (Notice the 'they' again) How the fuck can a child like a handout? They are children. So bringing back child and slave labor is the way to whip these children into shape? Kids don't know what the fuck handouts mean. All they know is that they see their parent(s) busting their asses to make sure they put some goddamn food on the table. So a black man is telling me that black children need to be slaves because they like handouts too much. Riiiight. Because he never saw his parents struggle and endure the injustices of the American society. What an embarrassment, I feel sorry for his parents and family members. 
 
"I know some people take it personally because a whole lot of folks don't like hearing the truth; they like to be in denial," he added. "Not all black people, but most black people know, and white people know, and black people say it more in private than they would in public, but for the last 50 years or so, generations and generations of black people have relied on the government or someone else to take care of them."

Oh no, not allll black people. I don't know any person of any race who talks about enjoying handouts. I honestly can't believe he is saying that black people, his own fucking people, have relied for someone else to take care of them for 50 years. What about the white people who expect it? Is it ok, because they are white? I didn't bother looking up any of his background because this article alone makes my blood boil. But he grew up in the South in the 60's and 70's. So when he saw all those black people struggling to survive, possibly his own family, he viewed their need for help as a handout they were happy to receive? Every single person (of any race) that I have come across who is poor, on welfare, or some type of public assistance, isn't proud. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are plenty who are but most are not. Those people I have come across talked about being embarrassed because they couldn't take care of their family on their own, and had to ask for help. Many people held out as long as they could because they didn't want the stigma associated with public assistance. But when it came down to feeding their children, it didn't matter what people thought of them, their kids were more important than any opinion. Isn't that what public assistance is for? So those people who work their asses off, try to do it on their own and struggle as long as they can before asking for help, need to experience slave labor to gain work ethic? They're experiencing slave labor and work ethic already. Busting their asses to make sure that their families can survive? If that isn't work ethic, then I don't know what is.

"Many black women have had babies out of wedlock and passed that on to their daughters that if they have babies out of wedlock, they'll get food stamps, free houses and your rent paid," Peterson said.

Yes, because every black woman's dream, to have kids out of wedlock and pass it on to their daughters. Plenty of white woman get pregnant out of wedlock, and plenty of them can afford abortions, so they don't end up like that. Black people that I know are strictly against abortion and/or adoption. They value family so much and do not want it to be broken apart like it used to be when their ancestors were having a good time working on the plantation. My family for instance has a history of babies out of wedlock. My mother calls it a generational curse. She as well as her sisters were determined to eliminate it. Almost all of their kids, grand kids, etc. were born within a marriage. They instilled the value in their daughters to not become a statistic. They encouraged college, education, and success. Not food stamps and babies. It's very offensive for him to categorize black women that way, when my own family is working against that. As far as I can tell, he is not married. He never will be. No woman in their right mind would be subjected to a misogynistic asshole such as himself. (http://articles.nydailynews.com/2012-05-09/news/31644837_1_women-voting-peterson-guest
He also talks about the mistake of womens voting rights. I read the article but I can't bring myself to discuss anymore of his bullshit. So check it out for yourself. So does he think it's a mistake for black voting rights? It should just be left up to the white man? If it wasn't for black voting rights, advocacy, deaths, sacrifices, etc. his dumbass wouldn't be where he is today spouting his self-hating, bullshit, nonsense.)

Peterson, who was raised on a plantation in Alabama where he said generations of his family worked first as slaves and then sharecroppers, said he learned to have a strong work ethic by doing such backbreaking work as picking cotton.
Day in and day out, it was the same thing: get home from school, eat supper, change clothes and get into the cotton field, he said.

Jesus Christ. His family lived a fucking plantation! He learned work ethnic by picking cotton?! No, he learned work ethnic by seeing his family bust their asses for their former 'Massa' in order to survive. This makes it even worse, because his family experienced slave labor first hand. I can't even express my outrage at that. 
 
Nearly 30 years ago Peterson left the plantation and headed West to California. But today, he said, millions of blacks are on the mental "plantation" of the Democratic Party. To fight back, he said, he formed the Tea Party of South Central Los Angeles. Considering this is black and Latino neighborhood where residents have traditionally voted Democratic, it might be an uphill battle.

So if he loved work ethic and picking cotton so goddamn much, why did he run from the plantation and head to California? And this dumbass formed a fucking Tea Party group. Forget him being a self-hating black, the neighborhoods consists of black and Latino Democrats! I would love to see how those people looked at him when he came knocking on their doors talking about how lazy, dependent, and ignorant blacks were and to join his cause. If it was me, before I slammed in the door in his face, I would have said, “Motherfucker, have you looked in the mirror?” 
 
"I hope that once [black people] hear the truth, they will pull away from the Democratic Party and their godless leaders," Peterson said in a recent interview with HuffPost. "When you tell them the truth first, they become upset ... They think if you're black and conservative, you're an Uncle Tom. Once you let them yell and scream and carry on -- because they will carry on -- and when they calm down, they understand."

Yes because all Democratic are godless, and ignorant. And they all scream and yell because that's what they do? Don't you scream and yell too? You're trying to force your bullshit philosophy down people's throats. White people's of course, because no non-whites should ever consider you to be a great example of a black conservative. If anything, they might throw some bleach or skin whitening shit on your ass. When I think black conservative, I didn't think of Uncle Tom. Plenty of blacks are conservative. But when I think of a self-hating black conservative, I think of Clayton Bigsby.

So I'm trying a new style and we'll see how this goes.

Events of my day 5/22/2012

I work M-F 6:30-2:30, so I come across a lot of people. I'm always fascinated by human behavioral patterns.

1. Today, a family with loud obnoxious kids came in, which is the usual. When they got up to leave, the high chair they used was still there. It was upside down on the floor because they used it for a car seat. I was extremely pissed. Even though it doesn't appear to be that big of a deal, it is to me. If you can go and get the seat, you can take it back. I guess they were just treating the place the way they do their house. But they aren't at home! Not only did I have to endure a headache and screaming kids for 45 minutes, I had to go clean up after their dumbasses. One thing that made me laugh was the parents' 'discipline'. One kid was getting even more whiny, and his dad said that he was in time out now. It took everything I had not to laugh. Seriously? What does that even mean to a toddler, especially out in public eating food? I am going to become a teacher one day, and the kids from this generation that lack home training, manners, and discipline, will be my students. I have my work cut out for me. :(
2. The first instance brought me to the next one. It really pisses me off when customers come in and are talking on the phone. They expect me to stand there and take their order. Then apologize and whisper to the person on the phone. Seriously? You're being rude to me, if you want some food damnit, you're gonna have to speak up. Do I whisper back in return? Hell no. Sometimes people get it and hang up. Now it's completely different if they are trying to get food for people and they're reading off our menu. But having a random conversation with someone that you can always call back in a few minutes, is ridiculous.
3. Apparently I am incompetent at work. I've been there for almost 4 fucking years. It's a family owned business and it's been a hell of a time. I can't believe I've put up with their bullshit for so long. But a college student with responsibilities needs money. (I'm looking for a 'real job' for when I graduate. Political Science, psychology, or education fields. Let me know if anything comes up.) Today was just not my day to be fucked with. Apparently, they were talking shit about me, saying I didn't know how to do something and my math skills were off, so come ask them when they have register questions. I'll admit, I am clueless when it comes to math. But I was blamed for something I wasn't aware of. We have a new person learning the register. She asked me how to ring something up and I showed her. Then I get bitched at because she didn't charge them for something else. She didn't tell me they ordered that! That had nothing to do with math skills, it was pressing a button on a fucking cash register. We just hired a new girl last week and I got bitched at because she wasn't doing shit properly. Umm, this isn't my business, it's not my responsibility or my job to train her or tell her what to do. If you want her to do something a certain way, tell her! Not bitch at me! I'm usually extremely awesome at having a chameleon personality and can mask my emotions. But Jesucristo, I didn't even try, I was so pissed and I wanted them to know I was pissed. If someone stepped to me, it was not going to be pretty, luckily no one did. I did apologize in advance to my coworkers if I seemed shitty or upset, it wasn't them, it was the business owners. Apparently, they also told the new person negative shit about everyone that works there. My negative comment, I'm a perfectionist. That is not a bad thing, at least not to me anyway. So knowing that I am a perfectionist, why in the fuck would they say I can't do shit? I do so much for that company, they depend on me so much, it's gonna be funny as hell when I finally get out of there and leave them in the dust.
   
   
   I'm generally easygoing and rarely get offended (at least easily anyway), but today was just fucking ridiculous. I hope tomorrow is better. I'm gonna start searching harder for a job. Maybe I'll be treated like an educated adult, rather than a retarded child. 
   
   
   Reading over this, this seems like the shit I write about in my personal journal. (Yes I have more. Lol) The internet is my safe haven. Ironic right? The Feds are out to get me! I can be whoever I want and create different personas. I don't give a shit it if that makes me sound like I have D.I.D., it's the truth. I can say, post anything I want and not be in fear of judgement, because no one knows who I am. Of course I do have FB for personal friends/acquaintances, but they don't know about the rest. Mwahaha!
   
   
   “There is a severe shortage of left wing women blogging so hate to lose you before you get into your stride. You will settle into your own style eventually (i switched styles for ages) and you will be off and away.”
   
   
   That comment was left by Lucy, my only faithful reader. It made me laugh, and feel encouraged. Being left wing/feminist/socialist/liberal anonymously online is the best place to express my opinions. I wouldn't dare bringing that shit up around most people I know. I live in the 29^th most conservative state. With the entire country being divided between freedom/Christianity/family values etc. and socialism/liberal agenda/non traditional values etc. makes it even worse. Don't get me wrong, I love my country and I'm glad to be a citizen. I'm just annoyed by us believing controlling the world, fighting wars, and spreading democracy is our job. We've bankrupted ourselves and continue to borrow money and offer international aid/efforts. Our own citizens are struggling to meet their needs, some homeless. If we get our shit in order, then helping the rest of the world would be acceptable. We are not setting a good global example, contrary to popular belief. Plus my socialism views do not line up with capitalism. 
   
   
   
    http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2011/sep/14/ron-paul/ron-paul-says-us-has-military-personnel-130-nation/
   
   
   The US has almost 1,000 bases in over 150 countries. I have so much much appreciation for the military, especially being born and raised in the environment. But come on this is kind of ridiculous. Wait, why were we scared of Communism again? Oh because we wanted to spread Democracy! So much for that.
   
   
   
   
   The above pics are of flyers that women left at work to advertise their business. The title says it all. As a feminist, I am highly annoyed. The background image is of some 'sexy housewife'. lol I know I shouldn't judge and what not. But these women are stay at home mom's. So they want someone to pay them for something they need to be doing at their own houses? They also have multiple children. Hmm, guess they didn't go to college and get an education since they are offering to clean houses. Or maybe their hubbies need more money and that's all they can do. Jesucristo! Or maybe they legitimately enjoy scrubbing other people's toilets, and washing their clothes? I mean it's not the 1950's anymore. 
   
   
   Oh Hillary Clinton, you will continue to be my political inspiration, even long after you retire. <3

I know it has been a ridiculously long time since I have posted. I'm stuck and I can't force writing, I wait for it to come to me. However, since I do have like 2 faithful readers, you guys are more than welcome to send topic ideas or links. If a particular issue is happening and you'd like to know my opinion, I'll gladly respond to it. I'm still hooked on racism, stereotypes, and social justice. But political science, psychology, and education systems are also interest points.

I'm not trying to ignore or neglect my readers. Maybe it's because there is so much to write about that my mind is simply overwhelmed? Or because I feel like no one really gives a shit about what I have to say anyway, hence the reason why I created this blog?

So I'm excited about having readers and comments. Lack of response was due to me just being lazy, but on Friday, I find out one of my old high school friends died.

 This has been one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. I had other friends die, ones I didn't know too well, but it was still painful. This one made a huge impact on my teenage years. I know you're wondering what happened. 

He took his own life, apparently he shot himself. That makes it even harder. I can't believe it. He left behind tons of friends, family, including his almost 4 year old son. I was extremely angry, I can't believe he would be so selfish and do this to those left behind. But I realized, my anger is not going to bring him back, no emotion is. I seem to still be in a semi-dissociative state, but it will pass soon enough, hopefully. Now I'm feeling hurt and all the other 'normal' emotions people associate with the loss of a loved one. I didn't know him all too well as an adult, but for a good 5 years or so, he was a best friend, lover, and a support system. He was always there for me, and I was for him. So I've been popping anxiety pills like crazy to try to ease my suffering. I went to visit the grave, of another friend who died in 2010, for comfort, and it helped a little bit. I'm tired of people dying, especially when it's by their own hand. I can't stop crying and feeling nauseous and feeling like I could have a psychotic break at any moment. I can't allow this to destroy me. Here are different postings on FB I've done.

1st- I can't wrap my mind around this, but I will miss you. I remember you helping me, in Junior High, to not give a shit about what people thought about me. R.I.P.

2nd- A poem my little brother wrote freestyle in like 5 minutes. I cried so hard reading this, mainly because he was a young child when I had this friend, but he actually remembered him.

That time
Yes i remember that time
The time you walked into my house
That house was mine mine
I instantly got jealous defensive a lil angry
Until you left and my mom said you looked kind of scary
With the tiny dread you had that sprouted out of your head
And the eye liner you wore
Made you a less bore
So i was interested a little
And wondered what you had in store
You took care of her and helped through terrible times
And i'm sorry this world polluted your life this time
I remember and she does too
I'm glad you were there to block out b.s. and place truth
I'm sorry you life was chaos
But you live on through her and me
And i pray that you floated up so you can rest in peace

To and For *removed name* 2/24/90-4/20/2012, a true friend of my sister. Rest in Peace.

3rd- My anger is finally starting to subside. Since I can't make the funeral, I've decided to go to the visitation today. :/

4th- Went to the viewing, it was very hard, especially forcing myself to look at him in the casket. :( This is still so unreal. ily kiddo ♥

5th- I posted this on his FB wall.

So I went to the viewing and it is still unreal. I felt like I was waiting for you to jump up or something. :( Anyway, I'm feeling nostalgic. I remember when you wore your random ass outfits to school. You had so much swag, that when you would hold my hand and walk me to class, no one dared to give either one of us shit. I remember when you called me, hysterical and crying and had me freaking out, only to find out it was over Cowboy Bebop being taken off the air. I remember when you rode your bike all the way to my house just to come see me. My mommy would always let you put your bike in the trunk and we would take you home. I miss you. ♥

I apologize in advance if I don't post anything for a while. I am distracted by the death of my friend, and it is all I think about. </3

Since this whole situation involves nostalgia, one of my favorite songs, Poetic Tragedy by The Used, now has a new meaning. 

“I think that song was originally was about another musician or songwriter. It was a mix between a thought of a person spending his whole life writing art and then dying before he really felt fulfilled.” -Jeph Howard of The Used

"Poetic Tragedy"

The cup is not half empty as pessimists say
As far as he's sees, nothing's left in the cup
A whole cup full of nothing for him to indulge
Since the voice of ambition has long since been shut up


A singer, a writer, he's not dreaming now of going nowhere
He gave heed to nothing, and all that he was....
Is just a tragedy


So he voyages in circles
Succeeds getting nowhere
And submits to the substance
That first got him there


Then in violent, frustration, he cries out to God or just no one
Is there a point to this madness and all that he was....
Is just a tragedy


He feels alone
His heart in his hand
He's alone
He feels alone
I feel....


Then on that last day he breaks
And he stood tall
And he yelled... and he takes his life

I cry now whenever I listen to this, I guess I kinda did before, but the meaning is now more personal for me.

*On a different note, that asshole Gary Stein got dishonorably discharged from the Marines. Good, what a dumbass. I posted about that situation a bit ago. Now all we gotta do is wait and see what kind of “punishment” George Zimmerman is going to get for shooting and killing an unarmed teenager.

So I have been ridiculously lazy and neglected my readers. That is, if I even have any other than Lucy. Lol I can't force myself to write, I have to wait for it to come to me. Which it has. Enjoy!

So I am going to focus on parenting. I am not a parent; however, I am the oldest of 3, with 6 years between each of us. Meaning, I am 12 years older than the youngest.

I noticed a situation at work. A mother had 3 small children with her. They were all bratty and annoying, the usual. Then it got worse. But what really got me fuming was her concept of 'discipline.' She was begging them, by saying, please don't, please stop, instead of actually doing something about their behavior. Since when did we start politely asking our own children to stop acting up? There was no authority in her voice, she sounded like a teenager babysitting the neighbors kids. I was appalled, at this, especially after the kids started running around the store and she said/did nothing.

Fast forward, and she would be a parent on a talk show discussing, being afraid of her rebellious, disrespectful teenagers. She can't figure out why they are literally kicking her ass. She tried to be their friend!

I observe may different instances with parents and children. Some parents are like mine, who don't take any shit. They make the young child order there own food, if they don't do it, they don't eat. I applaud that, but of course the teenagers who whisper to their parents want they want, and then the parents tell me, exist. I even try addressing the teenager personally, but they still do the whispering. Now of course, these parents who allow this behavior don't see anything wrong with it, obviously, if they did, it wouldn't happen.

My childhood was strict; granted I was in a military family. When I was young, my parents gave me money and had me do the transaction with the cashier. I was to address them politely and what not. I had to count how much change I would get back, if I got it wrong, my parents kept whatever was left over, if I got it right, I was able to keep the change. When we went to restaurants, I ordered my own food, if not, I wouldn't be eating. We did not act out in public. All it took was one look, and any unacceptable behavior would cease.

Those kids that throw tantrums in the middle of the grocery store? We would have had our asses handed to us, right then and there. They would point out the child's behavior and say, this is why we are doing these things. Look at that kid acting like a dumbass, and the parents don't have any control. One thing that always cracks me up is parents who pretend. Whenever the kid throws a fit, they say things like..'when we get home'..., 'I'm telling your father', 'you won't be able to have dessert after dinner' and other shit. You can tell when there is no follow through at home because the kid continues acting up. If there were serious punishments at home, that kid would have stopped in their tracks. My mother was not afraid to spank us, there was no, when we get home or I'm telling your father, it was handled right then and there.

What really makes me laugh is when kids are disrespectful and the parents have non age appropriate punishments. For instance, I knew a family that 'grounded' their 5 year old. Instead of finding ways to stop the behavior, he was grounded. No tv for a week, or whatever. Of course that didn't mean too much to him, so he just keeps acting up and it turns into a vicious cycle. How in the hell do you 'ground' a 5 year old? Seriously? That would be more effect for teenagers, because they actually care and are truly affected by whatever is taken away.

After my brother was born, he was out of control. Spanking didn't affect him, nothing did. My mother said when he was born she knew something was different about him. Later on in childhood he was misdiagnosed ADHD, he was eventually correctly diagnosed Bi-polar. Which made sense, due to my father. She found what worked best, was to let him flip out, alone in a room. She would tell him to come out when he was done and ready to behave. It worked. So whenever he had these episodes that was the discipline. His public outbursts caused my father to no longer allow us to go out to dinner. He said that if he couldn't behave and act like he had home training, that we could eat at home. We did this, for a good 3 years or so, we never went out to eat. When he finally learned how to behave we went. Then my parents pointed out all the kids throwing tantrums and saying, this is why we did not go out to dinner. Those parents should be embarrassed with their kid acting like that in public. He ended up going to kindergarten a year early. He was so smart and knew all the things they were teaching, that he was bored. He eased his boredom, by beating the shit out of kids. Lol They tried to tell my parents that he might be retarded or have some learning disability. Of course they knew better and found a school that would take him early. Academically he was fine, on the same level, even on a higher level than the other kids who were 1-2 years older than him. His maturity level was the issue.

Now I am not saying that my parents physically abused us. Spanking was always the last resort. Some things were instant spankings, such as lying. My mother tells us we will never be too old for spankings. I was 14 the last time I was spanked. I don't remember what the hell I did, but I do remember that. Due to my brother's BPD and being her child in general, she constantly tells him if he tries to raise his fist to her, she would probably kill him by hitting him so hard. She brought us in this world and she can take us out. I know she is absolutely serious. None of us have ever tried to raise a fist, we like being alive! She did have an instance where she had to fight my brother like a man, I have no clue what that means, I ran the hell out of there before anything happened. He had been lying 3 months and only got caught because the school administration called and thought she knew. I don't think I've ever seen her that angry, I hope I never see it again.

I know that everyone has different parenting styles. While my parents' style may seem harsh, I actually appreciate it. I am glad that they didn't want me growing up to be one of those dumbass adults without any sense or respect. They wanted us to be strong and independent. They didn't want to be embarrassed by our actions, since that directly reflects on their parenting skills. I do not plan on having a family and all that bullshit. But if I did, I would do a combination of my childhood and modern parenting styles. I was very sheltered/protected, they realized their mistake once it was known that I have social anxiety and I'm shy and uncomfortable a lot. (On the internet, I'm completely open. Lol) So once the 2 others came, they encourage social interactions. But most of the time, I didn't want or care to. My focus was academics, which is one of the few things I'm good at. Now as an adult, I can look back on my childhood discipline and see the difference between how I turned out, and from the kids who didn't have my type of childhood discipline.

One thing I wanted to mention, if anyone even noticed, was the lack of the word consequence. When people here that word, it is negative. Even though a consequence can be positive or negative. What we need to say is punishment and reward. Well in psychology there are negative and positive punishments, but you understand my point. Plus the automated negative connotation associated with the word consequence doesn't help the discernment process.

Bottom Line: Most of this is a personal story. Parents, please learn to discipline your children. Styles vary from parent to parent. If using your childhood style is traumatizing, that is fine, but don't allow your child to think that they are in control and can do whatever the hell they want. They can't. You're the adult AND the parent. Not their friend. My mother said that she could be my friend when she no longer needed to parent me. Now, she is my best friend. Lol

The next topic I would like to discuss is adoption.

Another scenario at work. A couple adopted a Chinese girl some time ago. Today they came in with a Chinese boy. Apparently they went to China to adopt him as well, he has no relation to the girl, just another Chinese kid. I was highly offended. I know I shouldn't be, but I was. You can't use the whole child coming to America to have a better life, when we are 18 trillion dollars in debt, everything is made in China, or the fact that our government is constantly threatening to shut down completely because a bunch of dumbasses who can't come to a compromise.

Change in discussion-There is so much inequality that if you are not a white man, sometimes white woman, you are completely screwed. Yes we have a black president, but he was the lesser of the evils. We were convinced that John McCain would die in office, and Sarah Palin would be president. That is a scary thought. But President Obama had to work his ass off to accomplish what he did. Even though he got into Harvard Law School, people are saying it was because of affirmative action. So you're telling me, the only way he got into an excellent school is because he is black?

So you're implying that black people aren't smart enough to accomplish anything? And yet, you want us to stop demanding 'handouts', playing the race card, etc. What does 'playing the race card' actually mean? The people who say this happens are generally old white men. What the fuck do you know about a 'race card'? There are inequalities and injustices, but as a white man, you have no clue. That is very offensive for someone to tell me that racism is over, and everyone is equal. Really? Try being in my shoes for a day, no not even a day, a few hours and tell me if you still feel the same way? Racism will never end. Our country was based on the fact that those 'Native savage red people' weren't considered human, so it was easy to slaughter them. Same with African slaves, and Japanese concentration camps, not using 'internment' we know what it really was. If this is the mindset of our people, how can equality ever be accomplished? Some of the 'minorities' who experience this, listen to it and have given up or don't care to accomplish anything. They're just a 'dumb nigger' anyway, why does it matter?

The term minority in itself is oppressive. That implies a hierarchy, and the 'majority' is what is really matters. Latinos and Hispanics are 'considered white' for that purpose. That category is the largest 'minority' group, and along with blacks and Asians the 'majority' would change and whites would no longer hold the title. It's funny, they use them for census purposes, but then want 'those damn illegals' to get out of 'our' country. The funnier part is anyone can be Hispanic, it's a term that we (US) made up in the 70's-80's, all it means is that you are a native Spanish speaker. So the black people in the Dominican Republic, as well as the white people in Spain (Spain is in Europe after all) are Hispanic. So in a sense, some blacks are 'considered white'. Lol

So even if Barack Obama did get into Harvard Law School to meet some racial quota, did he not graduate with a degree with Honors and was the President of the Harvard Law Review? George W. Bush who was a crackbaby alcoholic went to Yale simply because his father was an alumni, did anyone ever focus on that?

If you have read my other entries, you know that I did not vote for President Obama, so don't get all excited about another 'minority' voting the black guy. I can; however, relate to him in certain instances. End change

Now that I have completely gone off topic, hopefully you can still follow. So back to my being offended, my first thought is always, our kids aren't good enough? We have kids in the US that are starving orphans, and you go off and adopt a Chinese or Kenyan baby? Then I realized how hard it is to actually adopt a kid in the US. We have so many regulations: age limits, sexual orientation, income, etc. Other countries don't as many or if any at all, which ensures that more kids will be adopted from countries who have so many hindrances. So once my offensiveness passed, I realized that I should be grateful that they adopted a child instead of a pet. Lol

Bottom Line: Some of this was just my a personal discussion because I am not easily offended. The other parts discuss race relations.